Colin D Gordon

Do you still believe in Father Christmas?  Presumably not any more. Would you like to be him for two or three weeks?   Possibly, depending on the pay and conditions. If you are available and interested, now’s your chance. The position, of course, would only be temporary – until 23rd December, in fact. Some shopping centres and department stores are still looking for suitable candidates to sit in their grottos, give out presents to children and have their photograph taken. The costume, whiskers and beard are all provided. Even a large stomach, if you don’t already have one. You must ‘enjoy entertaining’, which in practice means laughing non-stop for five hours a day ( including weekends ) in rotation with one or two other Santas.  The pay would be from £7-£9 per hour. You can either apply direct or go through Jobcentres Plus, who have already placed about 500 Father Christmases around the UK. They also have vacancies for elves ( Santa’s helpers ), if that’s what you’d prefer, and even for a few Mother Christmases. This is, after all, an equal opportunities society.

The rules for Santa, though, are much stricter than a few years ago. You mustn’t be too fat ( it seems this has become a problem, especially in Scotland ) and in some places are not allowed to ask a child about their ‘Mummy & Daddy’ in case they have same-sex parents. In parts of Australia,  Santas have been instructed to say ‘ha ha ha’ instead of ‘ho ho ho’. Apparently, in American ( but not Australian ) slang  the word ‘ho’ is offensive to women. One Father Christmas  there has claimed he was dismissed for singing ’Jingle Bells’. In Britain, there is fierce debate as to whether ‘political correctness’ (as well as commercialism) is ruining Christmas. Last year,.Tower Hamlets Borough banned decorations in its local government offices. A Labour Party sub-committee has considered abolishing Christmas altogether and replacing it with a multicultural ‘Winter Holiday’. There is no evidence at all ,however,that the UK’s ethnic minorities have any objection  to Christmas as long as they can continue to observe their own traditional festivals.

It doesn’t help, of course, that many (supposedly Christian) British children  have no idea what the celebration is really supposed to be about . Or that a few ‘bad Santas’ have damaged the image of their profession. A notorious  example was when 40 Father Christmases rampaged through the city centre in Auckland, New Zealand, broke into stores, emptied rubblish bins, sprayed graffiti, threw beer bottles at passing cars and destroyed a giant Christmas tree. On another occasion, a Father Christmas wearing sunglasses and carrying a gun robbed a furniture store in Ludvigshafen, Germany. He was later easily spotted by a police helicopter,hiding in a forest. He had forgotten to take off his costume.

These, fortunately,are exceptions. Most Father Christmases are well behaved, even when there are large numbers of them together at the same time. Over two thousand  took part in the annual 1.5 kilometer ‘Great Scottish Santa Run’ in Edinburgh on December  16th, raising more than £25,000 for the  ‘When You Wish Upon  A Star’ charity,which helps seriously ill Scottish children. In 2006, it organised a day trip to Lapland for 100 of them. There are other similar events  across the UK, especially in Liverpool ( 6,000 Santas ) and Derry in Northern Ireland ( 13 & half thousand Santas. ). They collect funds for good causes.

Merry Christmas.

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